God showed me something tonight. I've realized that the way I lived in the past affects me now. Sin has left it's scars. I used to say proudly "I would never change anything in my past, it's made me who I am today."
HA!! Boy, do I see things differently now. If I could go back, I would change SO many things! I was a fool for so long. I wasted many years.
Although, while growing up, I wasn't churched or knew my bible, I always felt a tug at my heart. God called on me to repent so many times. I said in my heart 'Not right now God, you just stay there on the back burner while I go live my life, I'm not ready for you yet.' I took advantage of His grace. I used Him for salvation, and wanted to give nothing in return.
I was so stupid. And now I see that if I would've listened, I may not have these struggles today. Maybe I would've been more careful with what I allowed into my life.
This is why I don't deserve His mercy. Yet He grants it. A wretched old sinner like me is forgiven. All those years I pretended I didn't know Him, He still forgave. Lord help me if I ever grow tired of speaking of His wonderful grace.
Grace that is greater than all our sin.